Finding joy during adversity through self esteem, self confidence and self efficacy.

As I look back on life and some of the painful things I endured, I have often wondered how it is possible that I could be as happy and thriving as I am now. Margaret Lynch, one of my mentors, helps explain this with three definitions of self.

1. Self-esteem which is the belief that one has value or self worth.

2. Self-confidence which is trust in one’s abilities, qualities, & judgement. Self confidence is broken into two parts: inner confidence and earned confidence.

3. Self-efficacy which is the belief that one has the ability to initiate and sustain a desired behavior.

My childhood experiences resulted in me having very low self worth. I compensated for my lack of self and inner confidence, with earned confidence. I spent many, many hours reading self help books, going to training, and earning degrees, as a desperate attempt to build my confidence. But the problem with lacking inner confidence is no matter how much you learn, earn, achieve, or try to be perfect, it does not increase. Sometimes those things can tone down the inner critic or self-doubt but it lies dormant and can be provoked when something big comes up. So while I had a good amount of earned confidence by doing things for others, earning degrees, and building my career, my inner confidence and self esteem remained low. Or said another way I didn’t feel worthwhile unless I was giving or doing for others.

I spent many years in that state. As I approached 50 I was struggling with the recognition my marriage was failing, I was reading and searching for answers. Everyone I talked to and everything I read, would say “you need to work on yourself first and then the relationship will work out”. Silly, silly me! I translated that to, “I need to do more and give more!” That isn’t what “work on yourself” means!! Let me say it again!! Working on yourself doesn’t mean doing more things or giving more of yourself. It does mean, digging deep and coming to learn and know your self worth to the depths of your very core. 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

For me this required a lot of healing from past traumas and investing more in, not my temporal growth, but my spiritual growth. Building my relationship with God, reconnecting with the Holy Spirit, building faith, and learning to love myself was what I needed to restore and work on. So back to my original question. How am I able to thrive after going through so much pain? First, all that giving and doing served me well for many years. I was able to raise 3 remarkable children, develop an immense love for learning, and build a lucrative career. It gave me knowledge to draw from when I needed it most. It helped me find the tools and resources I needed when things felt like they were falling apart.

As I look back on those years, where things began to unravel, I recognize how my low self-esteem played a big part in the unraveling. While I had been working so hard to be happy, I was living in constant fear of doing the wrong thing or making someone unhappy with me. I conned myself into believing I had control of how others felt about me and I was constantly pandering for love and validation, while sacrificing my own physical and emotional needs. But there was still that constant inner voice nagging at me, saying” you are meant for more”, “you deserve better”. So the second thing that allows me to thrive is I learned to trust that inner voice. That voice pulled me toward energy Psychology and tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Energy psychology accelerated my healing, along with traditional therapy and spiritual development through prayer and scripture.  

Third is once you have a stronger base of self esteem and inner confidence then you are more equipped to apply what you learn to changing habits and developing new behaviors. Now, I am embracing these new opportunities and starting to reinvest in my physical and emotional well-being. Each success reinforces & strengthens my self-efficacy.

That is not to say I don’t have plenty of triggers or more healing to do. In fact as I push myself to grow and pioneer new ways of relating and connecting with the world, I probably have more times of discomfort. Yet I also feel so much more inner peace and true joy.  Now I have a deep enough foundation to take a step back,when something comes up, and say, “oh, there that is, a trigger, telling me I have something to work on, something to be curious about and learn from.” Now I recognize it as a gift, an opportunity to heal and grow. One of my mantras is “I will remember my pain and use it as a force for good in the world”. Seeing past hurts as gifts is so incredibly empowering. Once you heal, you don’t re-experience the pain, you simply remember it.

“A memory without the emotional charge is wisdom” – Dr. Joe Dispenza

There are many who play it safe and go through life in such a way that they never have to address those past traumas or build that inner confidence or true self-esteem. But I want you to know you were meant for more. Below is a link to one of my videos I created for an online summit. I am sharing it with you in hopes of helping you to find more ways to be TRIUMPHANT in achieving your life’s mission and start thinking about what you want to achieve in 2020. I am also offering up to three free EFT sessions through the month of December to help you reduce stress and remove roadblocks getting in the way of you achieving your dreams. It is as easy as scheduling a time using the link to schedule coaching services.

I am filled with gratitude at this time of thanksgiving and the first week of advent where the theme is hope. There was a time when I had lost all hope but I want you to know there is so much to feel hopeful about and it starts with you and your potential. I urge you to be courageous and reach for more, more joy, more peace, more happiness. Finding ways to live up to your full potential can be fun & so rewarding. Be courageous & invest in yourself so you can THRIVE and live your life wholly!! Watch Video

Much love,



Learning Self Care

18359195_10210932879575450_809572607464168043_oWhen I first started on this journey of growth and healing, people would say “you need to take care of yourself”. Honestly, I had little to no idea what that actually meant. At that time, my self care consisted of regular exercise, good nutrition, and getting my nails and hair done. The last two of these seemed indulgent and I would often feel guilty about spending time getting these done. These were all good things, but I was really hurting at this time and what little self confidence I had was destroyed. I was feeling very alone and needed to find ways to soothe and nurture myself. Gradually I started down the self care and nurturing road out of self preservation. First, I started doing things to take better care of my emotional well being like seeing a therapist, doing energy healing work, reconnecting with friends and family. These things saved my life and put me on a better path.

Next, I had to start taking better care of my physical well being. The top things I focused on were:

  1. Regular massages
  2. Taking vitamins
  3. Epsom Salt Baths
  4. More sleep
  5. Meditation

All of these things made a big difference and I really started to feel better physically. Yet this still wasn’t all I needed to really nurture and care for myself. So again I bumped it up a notch by doing two more critical things.

  1. I developed and committed to a daily and weekly routine. I use an acronym (SOW PEACE) to help ensure I my give self care the attention and focus I deserve.
  • S – Scripture study daily
  • O – Optimize my exercise at least 5 times a week
  • W – Write in my journal at least 3 time a week
  • P – Pray (every morning)
  • E – EFT (tapping) every day on limiting beliefs
  • A – Affirmations everyday (every morning)
  • C – Clear negative energy daily
  • E – Eco Meditate (every morning)

Each of these items, their benefit, and value, deserve a blog post on their own. I will write about each one in more detail in future posts. But, for this post it is enough to say, if I consistently focus on this acronym and maintain a morning and weekly routine, I feel happier and more peaceful.  Your list will be different but the key is, identify those things that help you thrive and then make sure you start your day, end your day, and consistently invest in yourself and your well being on a routine basis.

2. The second and final thing I have done is really learn to love my body. I have always hated my body; I’m too fat, too sore, my legs are too short, my arms are too big… I am guessing you may know the drill. I have started to really learn how to nurture myself and love myself. Recently, I even added True Love Skin Care products to my routine. True Love Skin Care products are made with all natural ingredients and were a great way to bump up my nurturing. I use the Mineral Soak for foot soaks, Mimi’s mud for a facial mask and detox, Glow for facials, Professional Grade for my extra rough skin, Feminine Balm for area I chafe, and Deep Rub for my aching legs and knees.  I love all of their products. So much so, I decided I had better start selling it as an independent true love skin care maven. If you are interested, you can find out more about these products by using this link:  True Love Skin Care or contacting me. For promotions and success stories go to promotion code.

True_Love_Maven_Logo_GreyA product that has the words “true love” in the name must be good for me! As I learned more about the founders and the products, I realized they are the epitome of True Love. Here is a link giving more information on the products’ ingredients.   True Love Skin Care Ingredients

As I rub the nourishing balm or deep rub in I use affirmations from Louise Hay’s Love Your Body. Some of my favorite affirmations are “I love my skin. My individuality is safe, the past is forgiven and forgotten. I am free and safe in this moment. My skin is youthful and smooth on every part of my body. I choose the thoughts that create joy and peace for myself. I love to caress my skin. My cells have eternal use. My skin is the mantle that protects and nurtures the temple I live in. I love and appreciate my beautiful skin and body.”

I hope each of you are able to truly give yourselves the care, love, and nurturing you deserve.

“To love yourself right now just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die.  If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now.”       – Alan Cohen

Much Love,



New Year, New Word, New Plan


I have always been a planner. I love to plan! But I had lost some of my optimism the last few years and planning has seemed more like a plea or desperate fight for survival rather than my usual fun activity.

This year planning has been an all time new experience! So many variables in my life have changed. For the first time, in maybe ever, I found myself creating a plan without worrying about who I needed to please but focused on what my true heart’s desire is. At first, it felt uncomfortable and I really struggled with it. I usually dedicate the week between Christmas and New Years for this activity but I was struggling. I mulled things over, pondered, questioned, brainstormed, mind mapped, prayed, and followed a great podcast series on The Brendon Show called #transformationweek. Eventually, I figured it out! 🙂

2018 In Summary

I started my review by summarizing the previous year. Last year I tried something new. At the end of every week I assigned a happiness score.

It was nice to see, as I moved to the end of the year, my scores were trending up. The other thing I noticed was my lows didn’t go as low and my recovery from a low was faster. My theme word I had selected for 2018 was AUTHENTICITY. I have heard, the more consistent you are in following your core values and being your authentic self, you feel less stress and anxiety. I liked seeing that as I worked hard to be more authentic my scores improved, even with the challenges and losses that hit me during the year. I truly feel my word choice was inspired and helped me navigate some of the most challenging experiences of my life. Some of these experiences have dramatically shifted my views on my career, my life, and what’s important. Take achievement for example. I have always been achievement oriented and still am but my motivation or “come from” has evolved over the years.

  1. As a child, achieving things was a means of trying to ensure I was valued, safe and loved.
  2. As a young adult, achieving things was a means to prove to the world I turned out okay in spite of my circumstances.
  3. As a wife and mother, achievement was focused on getting my husband’s love and approval.
  4. In the last several years, as my kids grew up and my marriage was shaky, I began to lose hope. Desperate for validation and not getting my needs met, I grew cynical about achievement and started to view it as a superficial and self gratifying endeavor.
  5. Today, I have shifted to a new place. I am back to loving and seeing the value of achievement. But my motivation or my “come from” is vastly different. Achievement is focused on pushing me to be my best, not for accolades or to please others, but to grow, to be my authentic self and strive to fulfill my purpose and God’s plan for me.

2019 Plan for Achievement

This new phase of life and shift in my belief system didn’t come easy. I had to break the deeply entrenched idea that my worth is solely based on what I do for others. It has been a gripping belief system that honestly letting go of was one of the most frightening things I have done in life so far.

2019 means living life in a way I never have before. My word for 2019 is POSITIVITY. I will tackle each hard thing with hope and light, and continue to find positive ways to build healthy relationships with my Heavenly Father, myself, my family, my friends and my associates. Every day I will gently alter a bad habit or limiting belief to empower me and serve others, not to prove my worth or get my sense of value, but to truly become my best self as a child of God working to accomplish what I was sent here to do. I have a renewed foundation of strength and courage. I am excited to try, to achieve, to dream BIG, and to put my authentic self out in the world. I will become better, stronger, healthier, kinder, and wiser. I will be an influence for good in a loving and positive way working toward my dreams and life’s purpose. Bring on 2019!


Birthdays, Triggers, and Self Care

thumbnailI celebrated my birthday last week. Birthdays have always been important to me. I don’t connect them to getting older or aging. For me, they are a celebration of life and our existence here on earth. Celebrating became even more important as each of my children were born and I experienced the euphoria of bringing a little life into the world, whom God entrusted me to nurture, teach, guide and most importantly love. It has always been essential, to me, to make sure my kids knew how blessed I am they are a part of my life.

My birthday is on Halloween. I love that it is always a celebration day. I have always enjoyed having my birthday on Halloween. I consider my own birthday to be a time of reflection. I check in with myself and ask how am I doing on my goals for the year, am I where I expected to be at this time and what is better or worse than what I expected. I reflect on what I can do different or adjust, in order to achieve my goals, and what do I need to let go of, have faith and turn over to a higher power. Having those questions in mind this birthday was unique for me. At 54, I am faced with being way off from where I thought I would be and having to really redefine myself, my life and my relationships.

So this birthday came with many highs and lows. Navigating my way through the separation and impending divorce caused me to be in a bit of a fragile place. The day started out awesome. I had already had a couple of early celebration dinners with my kids and family. I was receiving texts and posts of birthday wishes. Gifts were left on my front porch and back door. I had a lovely lunch with two of my awesome friends. It was a great celebration.

I marvel at how quickly the day turned, as night came and several seemingly insignificant things occurred that triggered me into the depths of despair. That is the thing about trauma triggers they can sometimes appear out of nowhere. Even with all of the healing work I have done over the last few years I still run into a trigger now and then that throws me back into the past and reliving a painful event. For the last few years I have worked on many triggers and thankfully these come fewer and farther between. Things that used to trigger me don’t any longer. But when I feel vulnerable and am not practicing the regular self care I need to, I can get hit and go down hard.

One of my favorite things to do for fun is art journal. I am not an artist but I like taking a concept, a belief, an event or something important to me and adding a page in my art journal to represent it. Below is my course correct page.

Course Correct

I made the background for this page a map, because this is my guide to follow when I get stressed, triggered, or run off course. At the bottom of the page are the things I need to do on a regular basis to help me stay the course so I don’t need to course correct as often. As was the case on my Birthday I had been very busy during the days leading up to that day and had slipped on doing many of the key items listed at the bottom.

The course correct starts at the top right where it says “mess up” and following the arrows and shapes works me through helpful tools to get back on track. Each of these items deserves a blog post all their own. It starts with repenting, then moves to reaffirming, then using a couple of NLP (Neural Linguistic Programming) cues, then tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), then deep breathing with my hand over my heart and my tongue relaxed, then ask four questions (Byron Katie’s “The Work”), then walk away, and lastly there is a more personal and private tip under the globe if I lift the butterfly’s wing. The nice thing about the course correct is it is a cycle I can repeat as often as needed. Many of the techniques are quick, easy, and help reduce harmful beliefs or triggers on a long term and even permanent basis.

Thankfully, I had some loving friends and family and a good course correction plan to help me out on my birthday. I thought this was important to blog about because it is good, when you are going through hard things, to have a course correction plan. It is also OK to need and use a course correction plan when necessary. Update your plan as you grow and learn about new things. I recently learned about a new app called Mind Warrior that I have started using.

As I continue to work my way through challenging times, I marvel at the gifts, the growth, and the blessings that come my way. I am looking forward to the coming year and new challenges and learning in store.

I will talk more about each of these tools in future blogs and in the mean time try art journaling, and creating a correction plan of your own. 🙂

Much Love,