2019 had a rough start. While I had started to make many changes and things were starting to look up, I was still feeling the deep sorrow of so much loss. I received counsel after counsel and many blessings encouraging me to be patient, yet my soul was seeking to accelerate my healing and I was beginning to wonder if the sorrow would ever go away.
“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of our heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.” – Rumi
Finally the sorrow began to shake from my heart and while I was in Rome new leaves began to grow. Each happy memory gradually replaced my sorrow and once again I began to feel joy. As, Sam graduated from high school, I found out I am going to be a grandma again, I met amazing women and entrepreneurs, I built new friendships, I started my coaching business, I was accepted into the doctoral program at ASU, and I reached my 20 year anniversary at 3M and announced my retirement, the new roots grew.
Of course, along with the highlights there are always a few low-lights. But, each happy event, new experience, new friendship, created a new memory for me to draw on as I moved forward. My coaches and therapist guided me to awareness. As I learned to observe my thoughts, the feelings they created and the actions I took, I learned to manage my thoughts more effectively. Eventually the joy came, growing deep roots, and the new leaves sprouted in the boughs of my heart. The counsel I received, changed from one of patience to one of faith and trust in the Lord. The more I let go of the timing for outcomes the greater my peace and joy grew.
Recently, I heard a story about a young boy who wanted to ride a carousel but was afraid to pick one of the horses that moved up and down. His grandma convinced him that it would be OK and she would hold onto him. So he agreed to sit on a horse that moved up and down. As the carousel took off and the horse gently started moving, Grandma stood by tightly holding on to the boy. About halfway through the ride the little boy turned to his grandma and said “I don’t feel safe, but I am”. I think that is what having faith and trust in the lord is all about. As we push ourselves to grow sometimes it doesn’t feel safe. Yet………. I am.
My word for 2019 was “POSITIVITY”. It was positivity that moved me to a place of immense gratitude. These last few weeks of the year my heart has felt swollen and sometimes so large I thought it would burst. I have felt such deep gratitude for so many blessings and it has brought me tremendous peace and joy.
I am so excited for this year and the new challenges I will face. Never before has my course seemed so uncertain and I am sure there will be many times that I don’t feel safe. Yet this year is 2020. The year of clear vision. What I am clear about is, I am moving in the right direction, I am safe, and my heart is filled with unimaginable peace and joy. I plan to fully embrace this carousel ride, trusting in the Lord, knowing that he has my back, and far better things will continue to come.
My word for 2020 is “INSPIRE”. Come with me on this journey. Let’s inspire each other to achieve our dreams and live a life full of passion and joy.